Thank God, It's Finally Time To Tear Down Michael Phelps!
Throughout the Olympics, we tried to get Michael Phelps.
We wanted to believe he took performance enhancing drugs, only we had no proof. We were stunned to find out he was clean.
So we begrudgingly called him a hero and went back to our everyday lives.
But now we got him. Not taking performance enhancing drugs, exactly, but drugs nonetheless.
We caught Michael Phelps smoking…a bong!
Yeah! Get him! Tear him down! Take his medals!
We’re Americans, damn it. And the one thing we do better than spending money we don’t have is tearing down our heroes.
I’d like to speak directly to anyone who thinks this is a big deal. To anyone who has written, or will write an article declaring Michael Phelps the devil, a scumbag, or worse…the Barry Bonds of swimming.
You people, please, get a life.
Michael Phelps busted his ass training for the Olympics. He won more medals than anyone else. He did it in an impressive and, more importantly, clean manner.
A little pot, a drug that many people feel should be legalized anyway, shouldn’t take any of that away. Hell, if he were smoking pot during the Olympics, wouldn’t it make what he accomplished even more impressive?
A pot-head showing up on time for all those races would have been a miracle. Although, it would have explained the diet.
Anyway, point is, get a life America.
We have many, many people here worth tearing down. Our former president. The lousy CEOs who gave themselves millions while laying off thousands. The scumbags who decided to allow sub-prime mortgages and caused this insane housing crisis. The loser next door who signed for a mortgage he knew he couldn’t afford.
Plenty of people are worthy of feeling our wrath. Michael Phelps, medals, bongs, and all, is not one of those people.